Merry Christmas!!

2 comments December 20, 2009 waterswife

OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY MEMO

OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY MEMO

Company Memo


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 1, 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty


Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 2, 2009

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we’re calling it our ” Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty


Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 3, 2009

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name.. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER:
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: October 4, 2009

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first..

There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty


Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F*%^ing Employees

DATE: October 5, 2009

RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing weirdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B**** from H*ll!!!


Company Memo

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: October 6, 2009

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

Add comment December 11, 2009 waterswife

Christmas Stockings …

I broke my rule and hung our stockings up before Thanksgiving. I was just so excited about how cute Gator’s stocking was, that I couldn’t wait!

Last year was our first Christmas with Chloe and we found her cute pink stocking in the Dollar section at Target. It was perfect for her, because pink is her color and we call her “bear” sometimes. (because her face looks like a teddy bear)

This year when Target put out their Christmas stuff again, we went to see if they happened to have Dollar stockings again. Just our luck, they did!! We got the perfect one for Gator. His color is green and that reindeer looks mischievous … just like Gator!

Tyson’s stocking is on the left and mine is on the right. We got ours at The Quilted Bear last year. They are really nice hand-knitted ones. Truth be told, they are just place holders until we find the ones that really suit us. We had looked everywhere last year and never found any we really liked. We liked these two well enough, and so they’ll work until we fall in love with different ones.

The tinsel is perfect, because Red and White are our colors! 🙂 And sadly, Gator can’t control himself around the tinsel, so it’s since been put away into our Christmas decoration tin. (which is the tin on the bookshelf) The bottom shelf now holds folded blankets, because our apartment gets so cold in the winter!

PS … wondering why there is a bookshelf blocking the fireplace? That would be Chloe AND Gator’s fault. Neither one of them can seem to stay out of the fireplace!!! Soot covered kittens are not my favorite.

Add comment December 6, 2009 waterswife

I did it …


30 posts in 30 days!

“Always remember that dead last is better than did not finish, which is way better than did not start.”

Thanks for hanging in there with me as I participated in NaBloPoMo again this year. Ya’ll rock!

1 comment November 30, 2009 waterswife

I did it …

30 posts in 30 days … I did it!

Phew!!

Now I need a break!

Add comment November 30, 2009 waterswife

Another …

Another day and nothing to talk about. Hubby said I should just give up and stop posting lame posts like this. But tomorrow is the last day!! So … lol … sorry but ya get another lamer!! yeah!!

2 comments November 29, 2009 waterswife

An Open Letter To Brigham Young University …

Dear BYU:

You know I am not your biggest fan … for more reasons than just football. But congrats on your win yesterday. As always, (except for our ’04 and ’08 seasons) it was a battle right up to the end. No one can deny that you pulled off a great win. Congrats again. Can’t wait for next year!

Sincerely,

A fan that can admit defeat.

**********************************************

Dear BYU Fans,

For reals. This happens every year. And every year I get sucked into it also. Can’t we all just get along? I love a good rivalry, but I think it’s going too far. Next year, lets try a little less rudeness in our smack talk … mmmm kay? It’s supposed to be good CLEAN fun.

Sincerely,

A Utes fan offering to wave a white flag.

**********************************************

Dear Utes Fans,

See above. Let’s just be a little better than the other side at all times. We know we’re better than that.

Love Always,

One of U

**********************************************

Dear Max Hall,

Were your comments really necessary? I mean, I get it. You are still upset about what supposedly happened to your family at our stadium last year. That would upset me also, IF that really happened.

Let me tell you a little story, Maxy dear. When I was 10 or 12, my dad took me to a BYU/Utes game at cougar stadium. Of course I was dressed in my red. And the fans in blue threw trash at us. Yep … trash. It wasn’t beer, but it was sick. (Now, as a side note, alcohol is not allowed to be sold in NCAA stadiums, so if some one smuggled beer in, I doubt they’d waste it, but what do I know?) Anyway, I’ve vowed to NEVER to go a game in that stadium again. So I completely get why you’d be upset.

HOWEVER … you just need to learn when to shut up. This is really how you wanted to end your college football run? You really wanted to be known as THAT guy? The guy who generalized an entire school and let your anger get the best of you? Um ok. Good for you.

Since you HATE Utah so much, I hope that you are never in need of medical attention. More major medical research and inventions happen at the U then I think you realize.

Also, I hope you never have to meet our Prophet. You know our pal, President Thomas S. Monson? He graduated from the University of Utah, honey. I am pretty sure that he’s neutral in the Holy War battle, but deep down, he might secretly still be rooting for his alma matter. Did you really call our Prophet classless?

One last thing, my dear little Maxington. Before you jump to conclusions and call all the Utes classless … maybe you should read THIS little tid-bit about my pal Shaky Smithson. After reading that, you tell me he has no class.

Well, good luck in life Maxipad. Unlike you, I actually hope for the best for all people. Even those I can’t stand.

Sincerily,

A “Classless” Ute Fan.

PS. I accept your apology … even though I know you meant what you said the first time … and only issued an apology because of potentially getting in trouble with the Mountain West Conference. Fake apologies are kinda classless.

2 comments November 29, 2009 waterswife

Thanksgiving Belly Talk …

I have the cutest barely 4 yr old nephew on the planet. On Thanksgiving day, he decided to ask me the big question:

“Aunt Mimi … wat’s in yer belly?”

Did I mention … he asked in front of the entire family?

You could feel the tension in the room building. Everyone was waiting to see how I’d field the question.

First I thought about saying:

“It’s a monster!!! RAWWWRR!!!” as I proceeded to tickle him.

But that didn’t feel right. I mean, he’s 4. He’s not a baby and he’s bright enough to realize that my belly is larger than normal.

So I decided to be honest.

“It’s food.”

His eyes widened … “It’s fewd??”

“Yep. Aunt Mimi ate way too much junk food. That’s why you need to eat all your vegetables and the food that your mommy and daddy tell you to eat. Okay?”

“Okay.”

And that was that. The entire family went back to what they were doing and he didn’t push the subject any further. I oddly felt liberated. I didn’t lie. I faced the facts and maybe (hopefully) taught the lil cutie a lesson about nutrition. I’m just hoping the next time he asks that … it’s because there’s a BABY in my belly lol.

3 comments November 28, 2009 waterswife

Lil’ Critters …

Aside from our Utes unfortunate loss against BYUck, Tyson and I had a pretty good day. We went to the animal shelter to hold the kittens. They are so cute and so starved for attention. I love them so much! This time they had an adorable exotic kitten that was butterscotch colored. Tys named him Scotch. Isn’t he adorable??

(such a snuggler)
(please ignore me. I don’t tend to get gussied up for the shelter lol)

Then we ran to Petco to pick up some more Halo for our kittens. While there, I couldn’t stop watching the mice. They are SO cute … when they are in a CAGE. (totally gross and scary when out of the cage) lol.

(There were like SIX of them stuffed in this TV thing)

Tyson says that since I though the mice were cute, but ONLY in a cage, I should get a Zhu Zhu pet. LOL!!

2 comments November 28, 2009 waterswife

Hmmmm …

The thing I really hate about NaBloPoMo is that I have to post every day. I have tons to say, but I just don’t FEEL like blogging today. So sorry … this is another lame post. Only 3 more days of this!!!!!!

PS … I ate a ton of popcorn today … lol

Add comment November 27, 2009 waterswife

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