Look who grew a backbone…

February 17, 2009 waterswife

Before you start reading this blog post, I am going to give you a warning. I received a rant in my comments this morning and on top of an already hard day/week, it really effected me more than it should have. Just because I write this blog, it does not mean I am not a real human with real human emotions.

It was a hard decision for me to start this blog. I have always been a private person, especially when it comes to my weight. Not only because I am ashamed of my body and where I’ve let it get, but because I’ve been teased about it my whole life.

I remember in 5th grade, one of the more popular boys in school held open the door for me after recess. Only, he let the door slam in my face right as I got to it. He said that he didn’t hold doors open for pigs.

I’ve never made excuses for my weight. It is 100% my fault that I am this way. And I am giving all I have right now to fix it. Am I perfect? HELL NO! Do I make mistakes? Of course. And yet I pick myself up and I keep working.

I messed up with my food over the weekend. And I admitted it. I also admitted that I did all my work outs. I didn’t “take a nap on the couch”, I got out there and I worked out.

The biggest difference between food addicts and all other addicts, is that I cannot avoid my addiction. I can’t skip going to the bar, or to the strip club, or down to the alley to buy drugs. I have to eat. When I don’t eat, it causes the opposite of what I want.

I made a mistake this weekend. I let my addiction get to me and I gave in several times. But I picked myself up on Monday morning and I got back on the correct path.

I have chosen to not go to weigh in this week. This is what is best for me. I know I’ve disappointed a lot of you. But this is what I need to do. I am not rewarding myself for eating poorly this weekend. I am living my life. I have more stress than anyone, except my husband, will know about this week. I’ve not lost my determination. I’ve not lost the big picture.

I don’t write this blog for rude people. I write it for me. Yet at the same time, I write it for all 300 lb+ girls who have struggled their whole life. The people I have met through this blog are amazing. I love each and every one of you. Even the silly anonymous’s and the weird foreigners who found me by googling “fat chicks” and “am I fat or pregnant”.

For all the bullies out there, for all the stupid 5th grade boys who slammed doors in my face, and for all the born skinny biotches out there, I say:

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Entry Filed under: superfat superchick

13 Comments Add your own

  • 1. lisa (lost pezhead)&hellip  | 

    ya know what. you CAN lose the weight and change that about yourself. it’s a lot harder for other people to change their attitude and get some manners. i’m sorry that you get ugly comments, that just stinks. do people not know how it can ruin someone’s whole day? i’m glad uncle joey’s got your back! ha!

  • 2. Kristina P.&hellip  | 

    I think it’s a really brave thing, starting this blog! Don’t let them get to you!

  • 3. Sarah :)&hellip  | 

    Wow, I hadn’t read the comment you were talking about so I went back and read it. I agree…it could have been encouraging and motivating, and perhaps that’s even the feeling behind it (judging from the “You CAN do it!” at the end of the comment) but the angle is completely inappropriate and harsh. Some people might be motivated by that kind of straightforward, head-on-crash criticism, but it just shuts the rest of us down. For example, my husband is motivated by someone telling him he CAN’T do something…almost like it’s a dare? But if someone were to say those same things to me, I’d break down bawling and say “You’re right. I can’t.” This comment was just downright badgering. And the fact she was “infuriated” by the fact you were simply asking for advice on this situation, tells me she shouldn’t be reading peoples’ blogs in the first place. She’s taking it all way too personally. Like you said, you’re putting it all out there, the good, the bad, the whole dang struggle. You were ASKING for opinions because you weren’t sure what to do. I can understand if you were skipping the weigh-in and glorifying that decision, then maybe she would have grounds to be so gung-ho BOSSY. You didn’t say you were giving up the whole shebang. I’m sorry that this Erin chick made herself your personal drill sergeant. Don’t dwell on it. And if you must think about it ever again, turn it around and use it as fuel in the gym. šŸ™‚ (P.S. I probably wouldn’t have gone to the weigh in. *HA!*)

  • 4. etta&hellip  | 

    Aimee, I love you and think that you are doing an incredible job! The fact that you are willing to put yourself out there for the world to see is such an inspiration for others and I am SO proud of you!The world is filled with ugly people who have nothing better to do than to try to bring others down to their level of unhappiness. But they’re just that — ugly. The world needs more people like you, Aimee!

  • 5. Amy&hellip  | 

    Uncle Joey’s in da house! That’s an awesome picture, and totally fits the mood perfectly.I know how hard it is for you, every single day to struggle with your weight and your eating choices. I cheer for you every day-good choices or bad choices. Because you’re DOING something about it. Human beings aren’t perfect, nor do they have the luxury of making a wish and having it come true with little or no effort behind it. I think it’s important that you find what motivates you. Positive constructive criticsm from people you know well, trust and love is one thing. Constructive criticsm from someone you don’t know at all that comes off like this comment does is just hurtful.

  • 6. Barbara_in_WA&hellip  | 

    Morning Aimee. I just went back and read what Erin said. I think you need to print that comment out and save it. Read it again when you are not feeling so overwhelmed with what you are doing. My hubby left me a note one time trying to get his point across when we had had a fight. I taped that note to my bedroom mirror and left it there for a year. I put it where I would have to see it every day. While I was no longer mad at him for what he said, I think I needed to be reminded daily that he did feel like that. He never once asked me to take it down, and never said a word about it when I did. Sometimes we don’t like to hear what people have to say to us, or about us, but sometimes we do need to hear it. I’m not 100% in favor of what Erin said, or how she felt that she had a right to say it, but I think you need to save it. Read it again later. You might just take something else out of it.Keep up the good work. We are all behind you!

  • 7. lisa (lost pezhead)&hellip  | 

    sorry, but you need to trash that comment. it was completely unmotivating. you don’t use such strong and belittling words when you are trying to help someone. all it would make me do is go eat a dozen cookies. you need to have people lifting you up and being encouraging. people need to understand that with an addiction like this it is something that has been lifelong and a habit for over 25 years. you will have bad weeks and that is okay. you just get back on track…it will take a while to change what you have been doing for 25 yrs! you can’t blast someone out for “returning to the same behaviors” like that, it isn’t fair. you have to work with what tools you have and if you just started gettting the tools it will take some time to figure out how to use them.ANYWAYi found this jazzercise place today that for $9/month i can go to for classes! it’s so cheap cause i will work in the babysitting area once/month for an hour! i am so excited…it’s been so hard to find time to exercise since nolan was born and the girl at church moved and i don’t have her aerobics class to go to anymore! YEAH!

  • 8. Leah&hellip  | 

    Aimee, if it’s any consolation, I believe Erin’s rant was directed at herself. All of the things she said to you are things she doesn’t have the guts to say to herself. But in no way does that excuse her behavior. She should not have posted that here. It is NOT something you should print out and keep. It’s completely different from the type of argument someone has with their spouse. It’s okay to look at a steaming pile of dog shit and call it what it is; don’t decorate your house with it. Erin, it’s called editing. Sometimes we do it to ourselves – we have all these things we think we need to say and then we realize that they aren’t necessary, only hurtful, and we don’t say them. Get some mylanta for your verbal diarrhea.

  • 9. Barbara_in_WA&hellip  | 

    Hey Aimee….I hope that I did not offend you with my last comment. I again read Erin’s comment and all I can say is that maybe I am reading it with the eyes of a 44 year old mother of 2 adults who would honestly say some of those things to my own kids if they needed to hear it. Talking to someone about being overweight is a very touchy subject. I know. I am overweight. It hurts when someone points out something that may be the truth. Again…I know because I have been hurt by the truth. I’m not saying that what she said was your truth, but there is more to her comment than trying to tear you down. I am sorry that your feelings were hurt. I do think you should talk to your dude about this. I think it has become a big part of your week, and the best thing for you to do is to talk it over with him.

  • 10. Cortney&hellip  | 

    I’ve been torn on this one reading the comments and the original comment. I think a lot of it is reading the text with a thought towards the tone. Because, like Barbara, I could imagine a loving but honest parent or friend saying it in a kind of serious, even tone- “I know you’re better than this. You have to have consequences. I’m giving you some tough truth here”. If you read it,per Barbara’s suggestion, like that, then yeah, it’s still a kind of bluntness and honesty that knocks you in the face, but the intent is not to tear you down- clearly she is frustrated because she knows you can do better and wants you to succeed.But nowhere in Erin’s comment did she say you couldn’t do it- in fact, clearly her emotional response was due to her belief you could. She didn’t say you were a bad person. She didn’t say you were stupid or foolish. I read her (albeit no holds barred comment) the way I’ve felt towards my friends- I’ve cheerleaded them, used encouraging words, gotten myself *so* freaking excited for them, and then, I’m sorry, but it *is* infuriating sometimes when you feel like someone is doing something that you think will hurt them. Likewise, when they express those things to you it can just infuriate *you*, so that doesn’t help either. I’m not saying this makes it right, but there are times when you are someone’s cheerleader, and you think “ok, I’m peppy and happy and rah rah you can do it 99% of the time, and maybe, in this 1% of the time, I need to say “no. stop doing what you’re doing. you’re better than this, you can do it, no excuses”. I know that comment she made about having a baby seems harsh, but really- and I don’t want to be lumped in with Erin here when I say this- it’s true. How old do you want to be when you have a baby? How long, realistically, will it take you to lose weight the way you’re going? How will you stay motivated? These are all intensely personal questions, that only you yourself can answer, and we can debate till the cows come home over whether it was appropriate for Erin to present you with those questions, but at the end of the day? Those questions, and their answers, do matter. I think that’s all Erin was trying to do, was keep you motivated, and present you with what might be some hard truths to think about.

  • 11. Erin&hellip  | 

    Hi, I’m Erin. First, I want to apologize for upsetting you, Aimee. As Cortney and Barbara assumed, my intention was not to belittle you or upset you. My response was quite emotional, and Sarah probably had the most accurate comment in that I am taking this all too personally and should stop reading. I genuinely believe that you can lose as much weight as you want to lose and I wish you all the best in this journey.

  • 12. Anonymous&hellip  | 

    I agree with cortney and babara. And es, you are intitled to bad days, we all have them with getting over an addiction, but don’t hide from the truth by not going to the weigh in

  • 13. Anonymous&hellip  | 

    I agree with Cortney and Barbara. And yes, you are entitled to bad days when getting over an addiction, we all experience that, but don’t hide from the truth by not going to the weigh in.

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