Ya’ll need this book:

November 2, 2008 waterswife

I’ve been reading this book called “Such A Pretty Fat” by Jen Lancaster. I am planning a post on it soon, obviously after I finish reading it…but so far I love it! I wanted to share this part with you:

“Jen’s Life Lessons, Gym Edition

Think CSI: West Loop Gym — The towels here are free and plentiful. Please use them to clean up all the DNA you’ve left on the equipment. When I put my shoulders in the squat machine and the bar slips off because you left it sweaty, I will scream, “Gross!” And you will be ashamed.

It’s a Locker Room, Not Your Bedroom — Hey, I love the feeling of community and personal service at this gym, too. But that doesn’t mean I’m so comfortable here that I’m happy to simply drop my clothing all over the bench and floor before toddling off naked into the shower. Also, please never leave your dirty underpants sunny-side up again.

Shut The F*** Up — People are here lifting heavy things. Not me, of course, but others, and that requires concentration. When you squawk about your mother-in-law loud enough for others to hear it in the Spinning room, we have a problem. Inside voices, people. Inside voices.

Mind Your Funk — No one’s saying you have to come to the gym showered, shaved, and sparkle powdered. But a little Speed Stick never hurt anyone.

Really? Spitting? Really? — The fact that you belong to an urban gym tells me you don’t live in a barn. Start acting like it.

Keep the Tunes Low — If I can hear Coldplay coming out your nose, you iPod is too goshdarn loud. And how do you work out to Coldplay, anyway? They make me want to lie on a fainting couch, discussing how very gauche Americans are. What’s up with that?

Stop Marking Your Territory — The nice thing about this gym is that it’s never, ever crowded. So there’s no need for you to drape your towel on one machine, then place your water on another and your magazine on a third. Geez, why not just pee on everything?

Thanks in advance for your participation.”

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Entry Filed under: superfat superchick

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